Friday, December 21, 2007

Letter to You, God

Dear God,

Are you listening to me? I have been feeling sad for a long time now. I have no clue why she and I started the relationship at the first place, but I did think it was you God who put us together. Or maybe we didn't pray enough to clarify? Now that we aren't together and was it your allowance that we had to break up? I won't blame you God because it was our selfishness to break up. I blamed myself for not asking your permission. I also blame myself for having a stone-cold heart because she gave us chance before to get back but I refused. For the first 4 months after we broke up, we bumped at each other 5 times, every time I acted like nothing but deep inside I felt sad.

I met girls and I even dated them but when I got closer to them, I started to miss her more. I had to stop seeing those people because I knew it was her that I was so in love with. I looked at our pictures, movie clips and gifts but now those are only memories that couldn't be extended anymore.

And now reading her blog knowing she got unhappy because of someone (not me) from her past, I got jealous and even wondered why she would still be sad. I know she loved me but now she told me she was annoyed when she finally listened to my call last Sunday. Am I really that bad God? I know I have bad temper but why didn't she appreciate the good things I did for her? I never cheated on her like her exs did. I care for her so I would tell her the truth instead of of ignore her like her exs did. Yes, I treated her bad at times, cursed at her for few times and even hit her arm for one time, so that's the reason you let us apart? Now her love for me is dead. God, what's going on? I am not blaming her but she had every right to give up on me.

Someone said God gives us freewill while others suggest God has his plan. I don't know the answer because maybe I am not close enough to you God, but I am trying now! You know it's hard because I am afraid that the reason behind is her not you God. So please give me the strength because I am weak and I am lost. Help me to clear my mind that it was you that I want to rely on and nothing else. I hope that one day I will finally understand you.


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